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Movie Reviews That'll Put Yer Eye Out, Kid!

The Deathless Devil / Tarkan Versus the Vikings

Published Tuesday, June 20, 2006 by Brian.

The Deathless Devil (1973)
Tarkan Versus the Vikings (1971)

From the bizarre world of Turkish pop cinema our friends at Mondo Macabro have uncovered, polished up, and released to DVD a couple of real doozies that should leave viewers equally bewildered and delighted.

First, let's start with my favorite film from this demented double feature, the delirious epic that is, Tarkan Versus the Vikings!

Hidden beneath a ridiculous matted mop of a wig, our hero Tarkan, with his two trusty wolves (who are actually just dogs) escorts the fetching Hun princess Yorka to a lightly guarded Hun fort. Shortly after their arrival, Tarkan starts with the crazy talk when he says, with a piercing stare, "Water sleeps, the enemy doesn't," Which begs the question; is something afoot, or is Tarkan's wig merely one size too small? Although the latter might be true, Tarkan's cryptic non sequitur proves prophetic when an army of be-wigged Vikings storm the Hun's fort. Thus begins a battle in which dogs are hurled through the air before latching viciously onto meaty Viking throats or unsuspecting ankles, and, amidst the clashing of weapons, women, children, and even infants meet their fate in a deliriously over-the-top fashion.

Tarkan is wounded during the battle, but is revived by one of his wolves (Kurt) only to discover that his other wolf (Kurt's father) has been brutally killed by those damned Vikings. But which damned Viking? Henceforth Tarkan vows to find the Viking who killed his dog (which will be tough since the Vikings keep reusing the same wigs whenever one of them dies) and avenge his death! Oh, and slightly lower on Tarkan's to-do list, our hero also plans to rescue the kidnapped Hun princess - if it's not too much trouble that is. Of course, over the course of the film trouble comes in many guises, some of those being: deadly snake-pits, a Chinese seductress, a face-eating falcon, a giant rubber octopus, not to mention an orgy wherein sweat and blood flow as abundantly as the tangled tresses of an orange Viking wig.

Tarkan Versus the Vikings is the kind of movie I can attempt to briefly describe, but which you must simply experience for yourself. Although the film does borrow freely from multiple sources (listen for the musical themes from 2001: A Space Odyssey, and Once Upon a Time in the West to pop up in weird places - which would be any frame in the film ) everything is haphazardly tossed into a Turkish blender, resulting in a transcendently harebrained, but singular, concoction. Though at times repetitive, the film is quite action-packed and filled with the kind of whacky violence that is most likely to garner a lot of chuckles. The film's many shortcomings, which are also chuckle inducing, are more often charming than annoying and really add to the overall oddball nature of the film. In short, Tarkan Versus the Vikings is just a lot of fun, and should prove quite enjoyable for fans of trashy Turkish pop cinema.

The second feature, The Deathless Devil, while odd in its own right, is not quite as enjoyable as Tarkan Vs. the Vikings. At the beginning of the movie, the film's protagonist Tekin should be stunned to learn that his father was actually a famed, lame mask-wearing crime fighter named Copperhead, who was killed by his arch nemesis, Dr. Satan. However, never one to let a shocking and silly revelation get him down, Tekin appears rather nonplussed by the news, and quickly dons his father's silly mask, along with the name Copperhead, and picks up where his father left off - doing battle with the evil mustachioed one.

The Deathless Devil features some nifty stunt work, a truly annoying and "clueless" sidekick (who thinks that he's Sherlock Holmes and that he's funny), bad dialogue/acting, horrendous art direction, crappy costumes, a ludicrous story (I'm not even sure the word story really applies here) and a big cheesy robot. All of this might equal fun, and there is a good time to be had, yet I felt The Deathless Devil was lacking in comparison to Tarkan Vs. the Vikings, and simply wasn't quite as entertaining. Nevertheless, it makes a decent double feature, and leaves one hoping that Mondo Macabro will continue to dig up some more of these Turkish delights!

All things considered, Mondo Macabro does an admirable job bringing these two ultra-obscure films to DVD. In addition to the two short Pete Tombs essays that accompany each film, and the Mondo previews trailer, the disc includes a really nice documentary entitled "Turkish Pop Cinema" which highlights films and filmmakers from Turkish cinema's abundantly interesting past. Also, the DVD menu is structured to look like a comic book page, with scenes from both films playing in each panel; a great idea that perfectly captures the essence of these two wild films.

Originally published at Horrorview.com

Labels: dvd, mondo macabro, review, tarkan versus the vikings, the deathless devil, turkish film

For Your Height Only

Published Tuesday, May 09, 2006 by Brian.

For Your Height Only (1979), Challenge of the Tiger (1980)

The third volume in Mondo Macabro's "Dick Randall Collection" trumpets the arrival of Weng Weng as Agent 00 in the whacky spy spectacular "For Your Height Only." As a second feature, the DVD also includes the Bruce Le vehicle "Challenge of the Tiger." Although the DVD is humorously touted as being a "Low Kicking, High Kicking Double Feature," the emphasis seems slightly more focused on For Your Height Only (as is this review), and rightfully so, as this movie proves to be a truly zany, ridiculously funny piece of filmic absurdity.

For Your Height Only opens with a group of thugs kidnapping a doctor whose plane has just recently touched down in the Philippines. The panic-stricken doctor pleads for his release, reminding his vicious captors that he is merely a guest in their country - but alas, the doctor protests too much. See, these men are not simply rowdy street rascals! Rather, they are members of a crime syndicate led by the mysterious Mr. Giant who is bent on doing stuff that is really bad and oft times equally mean.

Thus enters Weng Weng as the dapper white suit-wearing, "small" talk-hating, three-foot-tall ball-smashing secret agent known as 00. When he's not proving to the ladies that "size doesn't matter," or shaking his moneymaker at the local dicotheque, Agent 00 attempts to bring the syndicate to its knees (usually with a swift kick to the testicles) so that he can then rain a barrage of tiny bitch slaps upon any fool who crosses him in his search for the aptly named, Hidden Island. Perhaps outnumbered, but never outsmarted or outclassed, Agent 00 breaks bones without breaking a sweat, leading him closer to his inevitable showdown with Mr. Giant, and leaving his bruised and battered foes to wonder whether they'll ever manage to get their hands on that slippery little Weng.

Anyone attempting to watch a movie about a midget spy titled For Your Height Only and expecting "great cinema" will surely be disappointed. However, if this is the case, you're obviously not the smartest dress in the shop window and certainly all too familiar with the sharp sting of disappointment. For the rest of you, this is some really sublime stuff. The numerous fight sequences are silly, but fun (there's enough crotch violence to give even Bob Saget pause) and are usually highlighted by Agent 00's many gadgets (boomerang hat, x-ray glasses, mini jet-pack...) and his very unorthodox fighting "technique." Suffice it to say, if you think the only thing worthwhile to ever come out of Manila was envelopes, then you're in for a small surprise named Weng Weng and a really fun time with For Your Height Only.

As mentioned, the disc also includes the Bruce Le (one of the many Bruce Lee knockoffs) in Challenge of the Tiger. The film teams Le up with costar Richard Harrison as an unlikely couple of globetrotting agents attempting to retrieve a stolen formula designed to kill human sperm, and save the world from a madman who's attempting to "blackmail the human race!"

Despite the whacky premise, Challenge of the Tiger is a far less entertaining than For Your Height Only and I had a hard time staying interested. The fight sequences are fairly pedestrian (apart from an early scene in which Bruce Le faces off with an angry bull) and for the most part, are photographed and edited in a really lackluster fashion. While this film probably doesn't deserve its own DVD release, it's nice that it is included as a second feature (with no major price increase) and I'm sure there are those who do, and will, enjoy the film.

Mondo Macabro does another great job bringing these two curios to DVD. Both films have been digitally restored and remastered in widescreen, and feature stills galleries and bios, in addition to the ever expanding Mondo Macabro trailer highlighting their past and present releases. So if you haven't already, be sure to check this disc out for big laughs from cinema's original little bad-ass, Weng Weng.

Originally published at: Horrorview.com

Recommended links:

For Your Height Only
The Deathless Devil/ Tarkan Vs. the Vikings
Lady Terminator
Virgins From Hell

Labels: dvd, for your height only, mondo macabro, review

Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay

Published Saturday, April 29, 2006 by Brian.

Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay (1971)

The film opens with a buxomish belle enmeshed in velvety bondage. Serving as her audience a gaggle of elderly women listen somewhat cheerfully as a churlish dwarf reads the edicts of the bound beauty's sentence. To this our captivating captive defiantly responds: "Punish me, beat me! Take away my perfumes!" This plucky act of rebellion segues into a jaunty tune accompanied by an image of a small car weaving its way up a serpentine mountain road. Bouncing along inside the car are two lesbians on a road trip, a dirty blonde and her equally dirty brunette friend, their destination unknown - perhaps Belgium?

In need of wetting their whistles, the delightful duo pull off to the side of the road and park in front of an antediluvian pub. The salty patrons within aptly mirror the pub's exterior. Hunched over their beer the gang of oldsters ogle the ladies as if they were dressed in pretzel costumes. After the tantalizing twosome peruse some mulled wine, the barkeep turns the tables and offers them a tip, warning them in a hushed voice to stay away from the village; all of this transpires under the watchful eye of the ubiquitous dwarf.

On the road again, heedfully steering clear of the village, our trusty travelers quickly become lost on the endlessly repeating forest road. Finally, they see a barn in the distance and pull over to rest their weary heads, (and possibly experience an illicit roll in the hay?). Once situated inside the barn, pillow talk is soon smothered by a pair of lustful libidos. Later, Francoise wakes up startled to find Anna missing. Outside the dwarf emerges from the forest, beckoning Francoise to follow him, as he claims to know of Anna's whereabouts. Never one to doubt a dwarf, Francoise soon finds herself traipsing through the hinterlands behind her diminutive guide.

Before breaking a sweat the pair stumble upon the shore of a mysterious lake - a castle its crowning jewel. On the beach there's a small boat festooned with greenery, which floats Francoise towards a shore equally festooned with nightgown-clad women. Once inside the castle Francoise is bathed and coddled and soon meets the magnanimous Morgana Le Fay. All the while the dwarf, whose name is Gurth, bemoans his servitude and plots to usurp his Fairie Queen. With Anna's safety foremost in her mind, Francoise is relieved when it is revealed that Anna is also being indoctrinated into Morgana's slavegirl cult. Ultimately Francoise and Anna must decide whether to return to a life of freedom and uncertainty (Belgium?) or become one of Morgana's minions, achieving immortality, eternal youth - and perhaps along the way discovering how much wine a castleful of lesbians can actually consume.

Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay is more erotic fairy tale than horror fare. But it is nevertheless effective and makes for a fine viewing experience. The eroticism could best be described as quaint rather than titillating (although they do try to put the "tit" in titillating), and the nudity reaches its climax during a feast bearing a bevy of supple female flesh that might leave audiences wistful for erotic cinema of the 70s dabbing their moist eyes tenderly.

The cinematography will also make viewers with an eye for the picturesque quite happy. To be sure pleasures of the flesh are not the only subjects of lovely imagery as the film was shot with an eye for atmosphere and elegance. The locations serve the story rather well and help link the film to its Arthurian origins. As one might imagine and possibly hope for, given the title, the cast is primarily filled with attractive young women, who all avail themselves quite well in various stages of undress. Less attractive but equally memorable is the fully-clothed dwarf played by Alfred Baillou.

While the plot is relatively bereft of twists, the story has elements which retain the viewer's interest, and will probably serve as more than just a mere night's entertainment for fans of Jean Rollin's films. The film's seductive imagery and languorous pace might spell boring for many viewers (especially those unable to spell languorous), but those willing to check short attention spans at the door might find themselves rewarded.

Once again, Mondo Macabro has proven to be on the forefront of releasing obscure and deserving cinema to a wider DVD audience. In addition to presenting a virtually flawless, anamorphic widescreen, Eastman color print, expect a very graceful menu that reminded me of a naughty doily. And as if this were not enough, special DVD features include deleted scenes, an exclusive interview with director Bruno Gantillon, the trailer, a bonus Bruno short, extensive background information written by Pete Tombs, a large still and poster gallery, and the always enticing Mondo Macabro previews. Enjoy!

Originally published at Horrorview.com

Recommended and related products:
Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay
Satanico Pandemonium
A Virgin Among the Living Dead
Venus in Furs
Living Dead Girl
Lips of Blood

Labels: dvd, girl slaves of morgana le fay, mondo macabro, review

Satan's Blood

Published Monday, February 20, 2006 by Brian.

Satan's Blood (1977)

Which is sexier - Satanism or the 1970s? Yep, ignoring the un-sexiness that was 1978, it's a tricky question that once sparked many interesting debates and was responsible for more than a few Mensa meltdowns, I'm afraid. Thankfully however, and with the threat of another think tank riot looming, some prescient individuals foresaw the sexiness inherent in each of these elements, and like mixing chocolate and milk, had the genius idea of combining this most delicious of duos. Despite ongoing debate along the Canadian border, Satanic cinema henceforth became synonymous with the 1970s, and thus, this somewhat futile quandary was quashed forever. So why mention it and run the risk of rekindling the flames of this once-fiery debate? Because the posse of cineastes over at Mondo Macabro are releasing a sex-filled, Satanic-seventies romp from Spain titled Satan's Blood, that in addition to allowing me to write an S-filled sentence, should provide more answers, and perhaps quell any unrest that might require some much needed quelling (you know who you are).

The film opens with a Satanic ritual in which a group of men wearing black (surprise!) converge around a seemingly unconscious woman clad in a white, translucent gown. A grizzled man with a beard emerges from the pack of Satanists, unveils the woman's milk-white breasts, and begins mauling her mammaries with the gusto for which those who dabble in the dark arts are renowned. This devilish bit of groping is accompanied by what sounds less like organ "music" and more like the convulsive nightmare of a virtuoso using the organ's keys for his pillow. Amidst this orgy of nightmarish notes, the circle of Satanists watch as their lecherous leader pulls out a long dagger to penetrate and dispatch their long-legged sacrifice to the devil.

Following this attention-getter, we meet Ana and her fuddy-duddy hubby Andres. It's the weekend and Ana is bored silly, Spanish-style. She wants to go out dancing, but Andres who evidently doesn't and is running low on excuses, reminds Ana that she is pregnant and that dancing might harm the baby. Before Ana can perhaps quip that it is only her feet that risk being harmed, Andres lights up a cigarette, adding to his already doubtful smokescreen. Nevertheless, the young couple paint the town red - and even if dancing isn't part of the evening's palette, Ana and Andres appear to have a pretty good time driving, walking, smoking and drinking coffee like only two lovebirds uncaged really can.

However, all of this brakes to a screeching halt when stopping at a stoplight, Andres notices a male and female in the next car staring over at them. Andres forfeits the title to "stoplight staring contest champion" when he looks to his wife and asks if she knows the couple. Ana doesn't. However, the friendly mystery man claims to be one of her husband's old school chums. Thusly, Andres and Ana decide to join the couple at their remote and ominous country house with the slightly less ominous prospect of some wine and cheese in their future. True to their word, the hosts ply their guests with appetizers, but when the hosts themselves do not partake, it becomes quite clear that they are saving their appetites for the unsavory Satanic delights that the film's title blatantly promises.

While Satan's Blood isn't going to have anyone's head doing 360s, it is a decent little, largely unseen low-budget affair that's worthy of adding to the pantheon of Satanic seventies cinema. The story relies on an old formula that while shopworn, does manage to work fairly well, and Satan's Blood provides enough of a variation to keep things interesting - moderately speaking. In general, Satanic cliches most certainly abound, yet, it's all part of the fun for today's viewer and probably seemed slightly less stale in 1977 (or at the very least in Spain, due to that country's prior governmental constraints on cinema).

The characters are from the run-of-the-mill, dime-a-dozen variety, but are perhaps because of this, for the most part, serviceable. Logic is rarely something that troubles the film's protagonists, so viewers who are willing to follow their lead and let reason slide will have a better time than those who nitpick over the often willy-nilly nature that "characterizes" this type of film. To be honest, the film's labored attempts to keep the couple from leaving the house become somewhat farcical towards the end, but to take such things too seriously would be beside the point I think. To nitpick a little, however, there are ominous characters who exist at the edges of the film and its story, yet this is where they remain and I would have liked for them to have been integrated into the film proper at some point.

The large house in which much of the film and its action takes place works quite well. The trees that border the house seem to be vomiting an excessive amount of dead leaves into frame, but that's really neither here nor there (or is it?!?). The interiors are adequately atmospheric, and are decorated with the odd skull, Ouija board and creepy doll, which lend an unsettling air to the proceedings. The film is lit effectively, bolstering the eery atmosphere, and the camera work, which is understated but never stagnant, is also rather good.

While not overly violent or gory, Satan's Blood features a couple of nice moments in this regard. The film also has a decent dose of sex and nudity, my only caveat being that after witnessing it, I had to question whether I really ever wanted to see the participants bereft of clothing after all. Which brings us to the "scary" aspects of the film. There is no doubt that Satan's Blood is a horror film, but I would be hard pressed to call it a horrifying or scary film. There are a few creepy bits here and there and the film evokes a disturbing mood at times, but its entertainment value exceeds any chills and thrills it may have originally elicited.

Mondo Macabro does another excellent job with this release. Satan's Blood is presented using a "new Hi Def digital master" and with only a few minor exceptions, the film looks exceptionally good. The DVD comes with both English and Spanish language options and English subtitles. Additional features include a short Pete Tombs essay which describes the film and puts it into the context of the Spanish film industry of that time, and a very interesting documentary titled The Devil's Disciples, in which Gavin Baddeley (an expert on the subject of Satan worship, who is himself a Satanist) talks about the history of Satanism, and its place in many of the horror genre's most popular films. It's an engaging addition, thanks mainly to the intelligent and effusive Baddeley, and is far from just a throw-away extra.

Originally published at Horrorview.com

Labels: dvd, mondo macabro, review, satan's blood, spain

Virgins From Hell

Published Sunday, January 22, 2006 by Brian.

Virgins From Hell

Mondo Macabro's latest delirious dose of "wild world cinema" opens in a smoke-hazed gambling house where the stakes are high, and evidently so was the camera operator. The camera swoops above the action like an injured mallard, revealing a cluster of poker-faced patrons seated around a swelling pile of moolah (the official Indonesian currency). However, all bets are off when a female motorcycle gang clad in primary colored pleather, armed with assault rifles, and fueled with feminine fury lay waste to the house of cards, before finally making off with all the Indonesian currency they can get their murderous, albeit well manicured, hands on.

After this bit of thuggery, and a largely out of focus motorcycle montage wherein the gaggle of gals look more lethargic than lethal, the motorcycle gang returns to their secluded hideout. Once inside, the money is counted, but when the leader of the gang reveals that instead of being equally distributed, the loot will be used to buy weapons - so that she can can destroy the diabolical Mr. Tiger, thus avenging the death of her parents - tempers flare and some requisite biker babe bickering quickly ensues.

Meanwhile, Mr. Tiger is busy being wicked inside his fake-ass castle. With the help of a mop-headed medical student, Mr. Tiger has created a super-duper, special, secret female sex serum which he plans to use in order to take over the world's aphrodisiac market - thus making Spanish fly a thing of the past, I suppose. But, before Mr. Tiger can push his product onto GNC shelves everywhere, that pesky pack of biker babes arrives, ready for a rumble.

For some unknown reason the motorcycle gang shows up without new weapons, or for that matter, any semblance of a plan. However, they do have a zippy little Suzuki Samurai with yellow lightning bolt decals... but alas even this is not enough to defeat Mr. Tiger and his heavily armed and brightly costumed legion of chubby, middle-aged men.

The dozen or so girls who survived Mr. Tiger's bullet blazing counterattack are tossed into one of his large cave-like dungeons. Beset by constant infighting, backstabbing and hair-pulling, the gang of girls eventually begin working together (well, sort of) in an effort to survive brutal tortures, a lesbian warden, and horny henchmen. But more importantly, will they ever manage to escape the evil wine-wielding clutches of Mr. Tiger, and if so, might they put an end to his diabolism and countless costume changes...with hymens intact?

With their recent releases of For Your Height Only, The Deathless Devil, Tarkan Versus the Vikings, and now Virgins From Hell, the good people at Mondo Macabro have put out some of the whackiest, most deliriously bizarre, off-the-wall-funny movies I've seen available on DVD.

Along with the madcap plot and characters I've described, the acting is atrocious, the action inept and many of the interiors are about as gaudily tasteless as can be imagined (although I would love to have the portrait of a horse Mr. Tiger has hanging next to his whips). Fight scenes and violence abound, but it's all so unskillfully enacted and comically absurd that laughter seems the only probable response. In terms of sex, that which might have been included to titillate, like everything else, doesn't necessarily have the desired effect, but is nevertheless amusing and only adds to the laughter that the film will surely elicit. I'm not entirely certain what intentions the filmmakers behind Virgins From Hell (and other films of this ilk) may have had, but I can say with some amount of assurity that they wanted to entertain, and in this they succeeded admirably. Simply put, these films are so bad they're brilliant.

Mondo Macabro's release of this film is really above par. Virgins From Hell is presented in a remastered anamorphic widescreen print, that really looks much better than one would expect given the obscure nature of the title. The audio is quite clear, without any fluctuations or noticeable imperfections - making it all the easier to hear the silly dialogue, a stolen section from the score to Dune, and a quirky instrumental version of The Moody Blues's "Nights in White Satin." The first disc also includes a trailer for Virgins From Hell, background information on the Women In Prison genre from Pete Tombs, and the Mondo Macabro previews trailer.

Virgins From Hell also comes with a second disc that is sure to keep the party going with "70 minutes of trailers from the studio behind Virgins From Hell." The trailers run the gamut with supernatural martial arts spectaculars, more women in prison films, horror, crime films, jungle adventure and even war films. Based solely on the trailers I'm hoping Mondo Macabro releases a couple of the "Warrior" films and The Devil's Sword to DVD. Finally, a documentary on Indonesian cinema is included, and will look familiar to those who already own Mondo's excellent Lady Terminator release. So, with a fun feature film, a bevy of great extras and the most fashion conscious villain in cinema history, what more could fans of "the wild side of world cinema" possibly ask for?

Originally published at Horrorview.com

Labels: dvd, mondo macabro, review, virgins from hell